HEAVEN 5


It is so very cruel what you can face in this world. Once your dead you’d think of course its over. Being eaten alive by satan or swimming with the Angels your life was still over. You were free of memories of those you used to loved and even if you cherished them it didn’t matter anymore. How false that is to those who die. All memories are collected and brought back to you. Those same faces you had in your world were still there and two times harder to get through. Maybe in the Utopia it just didn’t involve guilt or pain.
Black wallpaper was full in my view again. How I wish my designer had better taste then two colors.
“Did you have a good talk with while we were away?” Sam laughed.
“Yeah it was delightful. What’s going on with Jade?” Oscar asked.
“Well spirits are having quite the reunion at Jade’s school.” Sam explained.
“At her school?” Oscar looked at him questionably.
“To tell the whole truth I cannot come up with one reason why they are doing this. Something like this…defiantly not something the Utopia knows fully about or is willing to stop.” Sam said.
“Why can’t the angels just figure it out and come down there and help? Why do we have to do it?” I asked.
They both laughed at my question, “Angels just aren’t lenient. The ones that help are low classed and recently died, and they come down for a few minutes. The ones that you hear about on shows is people from Heaven that are in 90% chance of going to the utopia and that’s how they get their shine.”
“Then what do the angels do?” I questioned.
“They are of higher use, I suppose. Fate and life is a major part of there jobs. They convince and try and lead people like the devil does. We deal with the dirty work.   Simply part of our punishment and our increasing chance to go to Utopia.” He explained.
I was never quite the holy man. Never read the bible or got lectured, but I still thought that Angels were the ones that flew around fighting evil. I’ve been wrong all day today.
“Their rules are extremely strict. I still don’t understand half they do.” Oscar added.
Rubbing tired out of my mind I tried not to be what you called extremely depressed. I couldn’t be though. There is no time, no engery, and no thought in being sad. Being sad or angry in this place seemed like the permanent feeling you have. The fact that I had to be the guardian of Jade was still a dream to me. It hasn’t quite sunken and I really don’t want it to. I am already a mess I don’t need anymore.
Oscar patted my shoulder, “You okay?”
“Uh?” I looked up at him. “Yeah, just tired.”
“Alright I guess this is time to depart.  We will wake up 24 hours Earth time, so I am guessing we’ll just have a short rest to get down there. Its going to be a long day, so go to sleep quickly.” Sam said.
“Let’s hope fate doesn’t do more damage.” Oscar sighed and left with Sam through one of the walls. I wasn’t paying attention so I honestly don’t know which one.
What I was paying attention to was that I am going to be depressed and alone in a black room. A black room, wow. I am used still not really used to being in my white room. White rooms are nice when you are sad because you just collect dots on your ceiling. There are no dots. None. Just black.
I layed back and stared at the ceiling.  I wonder if I could pray here….pray for an angel. Just lift the load, please. Let me go back. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to appear here. I don’t want this demon eye…I don’t want tomorrow to come….I don’t…want it….let…me disappear within this place…..let me die….
~
In front of me I see what I never thought I’d see again. Images and memories were all around me as I stood all alone in pure white. Totally alone and totally unaware I looked up to see me from a few years ago laughing with Jade and Jon. I look to the left and see me as a child with my mother. I was totally emotionless, but soon memories collected with those images. I remember when I was a boy and my mother would always bake me a cake with the worst handwriting. Laughing to myself I realized that I really enjoyed being a kid. My laughing saddened down when I suddenly saw that these things were gone.
I heard a female’s voice singing to me. A little girl sang to me a familiar song. My sister. I looked up to find the memory of my sister in a image I knew would never come back to me.  Tears streamed down my face as I remembered all the things I lost. I want them back so badly.
“Don’t you remember me?”
My crying suddenly stopped as I froze.
“Oh, that’s right. You erased me from your memories. I don’t exist don’t I?”
I whirled around to see my father’s image from when I remembered him when I was a younger kid.
“Hey, Kid.” He laughed, “How’s your mother?”
I clinched my teeth and didn’t speak to him. I never looked up to him. Erase him, I said to myself….erase him.
“You were always a cute kid. Like in all your memories.” He continued to talk with me. It was almost like cruel mockery.”
“You were not there then. You were never there. You never existed, and you still.” I looked at my father, “Don’t exist.”
-
The first drive to school was again another one of my nightmares. The time it took me to get to school was sheer pain. I just waited and waited for my next stage. My next failure at what life has given me.
“Why do you insist taking me to the same school? I hate it here.” I said sharply to my mom.
My mom turned to me with tired streaks going along both her eyes. Her hair was puffy and curled from rushing to her car. “Dear, your other school won’t allow you to go back. Maybe this new school would be better for you.”
It wasn’t better here though. There were more people then before, and they were even worse than the other school.
“I don’t know why you want to go back. Don’t you want a new life. New friends?” She took several looks at me.
She never looked at my face. That woman still doesn’t trust me even if I am her son.
She sighed with her hands on the wheel, “Why did you turn this way, Dei? Look at you.  You were such a nice kid….why the look?”
I started to bite my black finger nails. I had a skull ring on one that would always stare at me as I bite my fingers. I gave her a remark ,“It’s in the school dress code.”
She shook her head nervously again. The reason why she always drove me to school was that she didn’t trust me on the buses. The buses for our school was usually quite the adventure.
To my doom we arrived at the school. Horribly in a bad mood from being here I didn’t say bye to my mother, and just left. When I go into my school I look no where except for straight ahead. I don’t look left or right. If I ever did I knew an eye would look at me wanting me to die. Today I wanted to go far away from the area people usually sat. I didn’t much try though. There was no use. No day was going to change and nothing was going to be different. I will say that I tried. This was my first attempt to go to the theatre room except for the gang. I would be alone, and there alone maybe my sick mind could give me a chance.
However I did not get that chance. A saw all of them crouch were I was going to go and stare at me to join them. Could I run? No. I was too much of a idiot to turn away. I didn’t know how to turn away.
“Yo, Korsaw!”  Lizzy whistled. He sat by all the boys with his snake smile on, “Why don’t ya come over here?”
Time for the act. Either you were the predator or the prey, and I simply didn’t want to be eaten.
“Hey, Liz. Whats up?”  I said as he gave me a high five.
“We’ve been waiting for you.” Jazz said. Jazz was the ugliest woman you could ever imagine. I have no idea why this woman wasn’t kicked out of school for just being ugly. Here hair was always spiked up pink and she always smiled to let people know she had pierced her toughed. If I weren’t so “tough” I would have quivered and died from her already, “Red’s got a new girl. Spotted her one day”.
She snotted like a pig as I looked at Red, “Yeah? So who is it this time?”
“She is quite the lady,” Red said as everyone laughed, “Not quite like my other type so we’ve got quite the plan for her.”
Oh so it isn’t a woman who only wears clothes from the top. This would be interesting.  Red was a bit more easier to look at then the rest of the crew. He had red hair with thick red eye liner.
“She wears white.” Jazz said wrinkling her nose and teased, “With a  little white ribbon in her hair.”
Red waved his hand at his laughter, “I’m just going to bang her and go on. She is a bit hard to get though, so I might have to use force.”
I paused for a moment and then tried not to ask a horrible question, “You mean rape?”
“Don’t say it so bluntly ,man. Look its gonna be real quick.” He said to me, “So, chief, you in this?”
I wanted to spit in his face, “I am not into rape. Its way too messy.”
“Messy? Nah we’ll make it nice and clean.” He said laughing.
“Red, Can’t you find another girl? There is plently around here.” I said trying to act cool.
Red got up from the ground and grabbed my shirt and pulled me to his face to whisper angrily, “Look just because your Sister got raped doesn’t mean you got to act soft.”
“What did you just say to me, “I hissed back into his face, “You’re forgetting who you are talking to.”
“Oh do I?” He said and threw me back from his grip, “I’ll act like this never happened. I’ll see you on Friday.”
They all left me there to think in my glory. As life goes it just gets worse doesn’t it?



Lunch time was the next time that I dared to step foot into. Specially today since I had to rethink what I had to do on Friday. I’ll just do what they do…it’ll end...sooner or later. What I will see will leave me after that day, just like the others.
I sat totally alone at the corner where no one could see me. I was a bundle of black sleeping there until lunch time was over. Usually I was never bugged but today I was being more idiotic then normal and went to the outside to stand there for air. Of course I got company.
Another one of  the fellow not-so-nice groups decided to come and chat with me, “Hey you there.”
They all came up to me. I stood there and decided to take what they were going to give me. Maybe I can last a little….just a little.
“Hey won’t do you ever speak, huh?” They said shoving me.
I didn’t say a word to them. I closed my eyes and tried so hard not to get this to my head. Let them leave me alone….let them leave me.
“I’m talking to you,” The head “boss” said, “You look so tough with your gang, but alone you are nothing.”
They shoved me once more and this I broke. My mind went imidiantly to the most disgusting images of them dying. How I wanted them to come true was right at my finger tips. I could make every person bleed!
Not with my hand but with my arm and elbow I forced whatever anger I had into his face. His face crumbled such as I imagined. He went to the floor, and his cowardly crew dispersed. It was only me and him now. Blood smerged across his face. He cussed into the air and charged at me.  He was only was able to land one punch into me until the cops grabbed both his arms. With everyone watching we were dragged off with quick images of our future haunting us. The only thing to make the time go slower was to drag your feet and pray for forgiveness.

As punishment of course I was sent home. I would have to sit in the old table once again and face my mother. Once that time has come it was as quick as ever. When I sit at that table there is no sound in my house except for my mother breathing.
“Why can’t you be a good kid, Dei? Why?” She said to me as I sat there staring ahead of me. All I was supposed to do was sit there and listen to her. I never say a word when she lectures me. Not even a sorry.
She shook her head, “What’s wrong? We even moved here to the U.S so that you could stop this. Your past is behind you, so can’t you please just change.”
She didn’t speak to me after that for a while because this time she wanted me to speak. My mind is so messed up and twisted I couldn’t tell her why. I couldn’t tell her everything I had experienced. Maybe my body couldn’t handle her face.
“You don’t trust me at all do you?” I asked finally after biting my lip.
She paused and said, “How can you allow me to trust you?”
“You never trusted me. Not in fronted not ever. You never believed a word I told you.” I said back to her.
“I’ve tried my best as I can for you.” She said.
I shook my head. Its no use, let her be as she is. Maybe I can change and fit her image of a son.
“I’m going out. I’ll see you tonight.” I said as I was getting up. I looked at her as she stood, “I’m not going to do anything. I promise.”
As I was leaving the door she said to me, “I’m sure your father loved you, Dei.”
I clunched my fist so tight I couldn’t feel my hand anymore, “Yeah…I’m sure he did.”

My mother probably already knows now that I go to the exact same spot when I go out. There is a corner by the food store where people won’t see me at. Its against the brick wall on the other side of the building. I’ll sit there and sit there until dark thinking about how life could have been.
Sitting there I realized that kids were leaving school. I wonder how many times I actually got to leave school after the bell. Probably not very many. I sighed. I have no friends, no life, and defently no future. I wonder how someone like me can possibly live. At the corner of my eye I saw white. It was from a girl’s dress from a few yards from me. She was walking the sidewalk going home. Walking past me she slown down and looked at me sitting down. She passed the wall, but I knew she had turned back to peep at me. Oh great, I guess I have a visitor. She walked to me slowly and sat next to me.
“Why are you here alone?” She asked.
I didn’t say anything to her, and really didn’t want to. Just let her go away.
“My name is Jade. You’re name is Dei right?” She asked as she scooped her dress from under her in order to keep it from getting dirty.
Its going to be a long day.
“I see you around school.” She said.
“Oh” I laughed, “So you heard of me?”
“Yeah, you are in one of my classes. You are very quite.”
I shrugged.
“You weren’t in class today.” She said.
“You know why.” I said.
She didn’t say anything and just sat there.
“Why are you talking to me?” I asked.
“Because no one in this world diserves to be alone.” She answered.
“Do you know about me?”
She paused for a moment before she made a response, “You are a very scared boy, aren’t you?”
My bite loosened on my fingers as my eyes began to loosen to what she had said to me. Those words to me were so hurtful, my mind was being crushed. I was scared. I was cared out of my mind.
“Tommorrow, I want to wait for you at lunch. I can bring you something less drastic to wear, so people won’t bug you as much.” She requested.
“Why? Why would I sit with you?” I said trying not to be mean, but just seeking a answer.”
“Because you have no where else to go.” She said and got up and walked off.
I watched her leave holding her book bag thinking to myself how much of a fool she must be for meeting with me. She has no idea what she has gotten herself into by inviting me to such an occasion.
Bye the time of the sun coming down I stood up next to the wall watching the last man walk away from his job at the food store. If I go tomorrow and see this girl, what would happen? What would possibly happen to her? I put my hands in my trench coat’s pockets and walked to my home with that idea in mind.
If I do have the guts to walk up to her and allow the chance to infact change would I be able to walk home without a bruise on my body? I highly doubt this. I highly doubt I, with all my paranoia, would be able to do this without imagining her being in great danger of familiar people getting in contact with her.
Tommorrow soon came and my mind still didn’t come up with an answer. I stood in the corner of the lunch room by one of the tables. I totally blended in like one of the shadows biting my finger nails. I staired across the lunch room thinking or daydreaming. Should I walk to that girl? No…I should just leave. I shouldn’t involve anyone in my life. It would only harm them. To retreat to some other area was my plot, but with me having blurred vision felt myself be pushed back from an object that I ran into. I slammed right into a girl and tripped her. Her book bag landed on the floor with a sandwich.
Lord, why do I have to mess things up so badly? I decided that in a second of my life I would be nice and leaned over to help her.
“Sorry…I didn’t see you.” I said barely.
She looked up, and I wanted to scream in horror. It was Jade from the day before. I can’t believe I bumped right into her.
I brushed some of my hair over my ears looking down to my half chewed up fingers. Maybe I should have stayed there to see what she would stay. Maybe I could have been brave, but I was such a nervous wreck that I couldn’t do that. Drawing back I didn’t say another word. With my back turned to her I walked the other way to some how disappear.
“Hold on wait!” Jade said and yanked onto my sleeve.
Darn it, I just can’t get away from her. I didn’t want to get free because that would just hurt her feelings. What the hell am I going to do with myself?
“Come on, sit with me.” She pleaded.
“You really don’t want to know me,” I said not looking at her.
“No, your fine.” She looked up to me.
“Oh yeah? You’re so sure about that?” I asked.
“I’m pretty sure.” She smiled.
Nerviously I sighed putting my hands in my pockets, “Alright….fine.”
Smiling still she walked expecting me to follow to the outside of the school. There was inside tables and outside. I normally was inside where no one could really notice me, but well I guess today I am going to have to pray to the gods that no one notices me. Maybe I should have worn my trench coat and rings?
I would feel feel stupid following her, but would feel even more stupid not, so I chose the first choice. I looked to the floor not wanting to show my face to anyone or anything. Maybe I could just die when I got there. The school would be going crazy because someone died, but hey I wouldn’t have to worry about anything.
“Hey, Jon! I got someone knew to sit with us!” Jade waved to a boy sitting down talking to one of his friends. He had black slightly wavy hair to his shoulders.  Jon I guess his name is seemed more like a comedy guy then a serious one. Not of what I expected from looking at Jade.
Jon turned around at watched her walk in, “Oh yeah who?”
“His name is Dei” She said and pointed back to me.
Jon looked dead on on me. Staring on me for the longest time, he looked at Jade weird, “Dei Korsaw.”
Oh great he knows my name!
“Woa! You got the guy that beat up Rick?” Another guy said.
“Oh be nice, R.J.” She commented back.
God, if you are up there, can you please kill me now. Just send me some deadly disease that I can fall over from in a few seconds. Send me a bolt of lightning.
“Well, don’t stand there, come on.” Jon waved me forward.
My eyes burned as I sat down next to Jade. That was the only spot open, but the guys next to me still moved as far as me as they could.
“So, Dei, I heard you came from Japan.” Jon said animated to me.
“Yeah…I lived there for a few years….” I said quietly.
“That is totally awesome! I bet you saw all kind of Anime and  video games.” He was very enthusiastic when he spoke. Maybe he was just trying to make me feel better.
“Uhmm…” I looked to the side, “I am not really into that type of stuff….”
In case you don’t know, Anime is Japanese cartoons. They are alright, I just don’t watch much TV.
“Oh my god, you lived in Japan and don’t like it. Crazy.” Jon replied.
Jade laughed and whispers to me, “He is a nerd.”
I laughed a little, but then started to bite my nails again.
“What was that?” He gasped, “You aren’t my friend anymore, I am speaking to Dei.”
Jade laughed again looking at me.
“You don’t look Japanese really, “Jon spoke his observation to me.
“Yeah, my dad is Japanese, but my mom came from America, “I replied.
I bit my nail until I noticed I was bleeding. Jade peered at my hands and shook her head, “Stop chewing your nails. They look horrible.”
I stopped and looked at them. Black nail polish was cipped all around my finger nail’s edges.
I eyes her not really sure what to say, “Sorry…”
“It makes you look really nervous. You don’t need to be nervous around us.” She said.
I’m not sure of what to make of this experience? Do I like not being messed with? Interesting enough I’ll most likely come back tomorrow.
God liked me on this day and no one noticed me. Before I went Jade described to me that she had a older brother that looked like he was about my size. She gave me clothes that she asked me to keep just incase I wanted to not be noticed. It was an odd pair odd pair of clothes. It wasn’t something I am exactly used to from my black shirts, coats, and pants, but I suppose I could wear it. It was a white button up shirt with a black over lay Jacket. The pants were clean cut pants that normally you’d wear on special events. The whole get up was a pick formal, but I’ll wear it tomorrow anyways. I’ll be able to get away from the gang by wearing this.
The outfit scared my mother half to death. I still wore my skull necklace and one ring, but when I walked down stairs she stared at me for 30 minutes.
“What?” I asked her as she peered at me wondering if I’d dance and say “Just kidding!”.
“Oh, uh, are you ready to go?” She asked.
Personally, I though the outfit looked kind of cool on me, but my mother had a while to think that I could be a normal child.
“Yeah.” I said and shrugged.
In shock still she slowly walked to the car as we left.

That lunch time was probably the worst time I had this whole year. I did sit back there with Jade and Jon, but soon found out that Lizzy would find me there.
“Out of all the people who would have thought that you’d betray us?” He spit at me.
I didn’t look up at him. My face began to burn as I received images of what my fate would soon be.
“Get up, “He commanded me.
Jade shook her head at me not to get up, but I knew I had to anyways. From the table I stood ready for the next fight.
He made a quick jester of lughter and then swung at me. I wasn’t able to dodge him and his fist broke into my bottom lip. I coughed out blood from my busted lip. Trying to keep it from bleeding I shock back a glare at him. I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t going to fight him.
He laughed and then walked off.
Pain stung my whole jaw from the lip down. Jade ran up to me trying to help me.
“Are you okay?” She said having her hand on my back.
With my hands stained with blood, I didn’t really want to answer her. I shrugged off her hand, “No, just…leave me alone.”
Tears stung my eyes from pain as I leave her there standing.

The next day was Friday. I was no longer in the gang so I guess I didn’t have to worry about it now. I didn’t have to see anything that Red did or try and help. Sitting there for a long time I looked back to what he said and choked at what I realized.

“She is quite the lady,” Red said as everyone laughed, “Not quite like my other type so we’ve got quite the plan for her.”
Oh so it isn’t a woman who only wears clothes from the top. This would be interesting.  Red was a bit more easier to look at then the rest of the crew. He had red hair with thick red eye liner.
“She wears white.” Jazz said wrinkling her nose and teased, “With a  little white ribbon in her hair.”
Red waved his hand at his laughter, “I’m just going to bang her and go on. She is a bit hard to get though, so I might have to use force.”

Jade….

I wore my normal clothing and ran out the door. My mother froze as she watched me run, but I didn’t turn back to her.
I ran where I knew Jade would have to be. Near the brick wall where she always walked, I ran as fast as I could. As I suspected she was walking past. She looked up surprised and came to say hi but I interrupted her.
“Jade, come with me.” I told her panicly.
“Why?” She said confuded.
“Just come. You shouldn’t be near here.” I said almost yelling.
“Ah, So Dei’s coming back to help us, huh?” I heard a lughter behind me.
I’m too late….
Red approached behind me with his arm around my shoulders. “So you found her for us?”
I looked at Jade scared out of my mind. I wanted to tell her to run, but couldn’t do so. She looked at me worried as she watched the rest of the gang approach.
“Why don’t you come with us?” Red said with a tooth pick in his mouth.
Jade shook her head and tempted to run but one of the members grabbed her arms and dragged her to us.
“We won’t hurt you. We’re very nice people, “ Red laughed.
Our gang did have a hangout where they would smoke and drink. It was a house reduced to rabish abandoned within one of the forests. I only went there once and didn’t care for going another time, but soon that wouldn’t be a choice for me.
I shook viciously as I watched Jade be carried to the detination. In pain I could feel my self being totally useless. My mind was frozen. I couldn’t yell or free Jade from what she was about to feel.
Red opened the door holding a bottle of beer. The rest followed him in. On the other side was even more people. Great, must be some sort of party. Smoke thickened as I went in.  People layed all over the place half naked staring at as we went in. They all laughed and high fived Red as he came in as a sign of hello
“Whose the chick?” One of the girls asked.
“Ah a friend of mine.” He replied.
With his arm around her he walked and headed to the main room. Jazz, Lizzy, and I followed. I knew that the main gang would have to follow him and talk with him until we could finally leave. In that room Jazz Sat down against one of the broken couchs with  her stomache hanging out. Lizzy sat on the chair opposite of her with Red in the middle. I stood directly infront of him.
Almost in tears Jade watched me with eyes I couldn’t bare to look at. I am so sorry….I am so sorry…Why can’t I do anything?
Images gathered in my head of images of her. Jade would most likely be left crying the next day all alone.
More and more as they came the more blinded I became. I started to shake viciously once again.
They all laughed together as Red got closer to her.

“Dei…go call mom…please…go call someone.”
I stood infront of my sister as she layed on the floor scratched up head to toe. She was shaking with tears streaming down her face.
“Help me please.” She said while she cried.
My father stood infront of her, “You shouldn’t have came, Dei…”
My sister laid there motionless. I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t move. I was so scared I couldn’t move my body to help her. My father stared at me and threatened me to leave.

“Dei…” Jade spoke softly to me between her tears.
Red looked up to me not laughing anymore.

“Help me Dei…please.”

I felt the cool blade between my fingers as I pull my hands in my pocket. I was never able to do anything for her…

“Please…”

Now totally blind, I took out the knife I kept with me this whole time. I saw her die right before my eyes and couldn’t help her. I couldn’t help her. With my knife in hand I threw Red out of his chair.  He slammed against a rugid desk throwing it over with all the books and papers on top of it thrown onto the floor.
“Get the hell away from her!” I yelled at him, “I won’t let you get away from it.”
Deeply with my knife I cut him when he was known. Blood stained his chest, but even that didn’t seem like it made Red flinch. Receiving pain from a crushed face he got up and proceeded to let me feel punishment for what I had done.
“Came to be a hero, Dei?” He laughed holding his side.
I breathed heavily watching him approach me. Again I quickly swung at him with my knife, but before I could get to him I was thrown to the ground. Broken glass scarred both of my arms from the fall. I was painted in blood and pain as I lifted myself to the ground to meet his eye.
He was laughing even more than normal. I watched him as he grabed a gun from under neath his belt. Everything I froze as he pointed it to me.
“Do you think you can win this fight, Dei?” He said laughing through blood that ringed around his mouth, “Do you think can be God and avoid death?”
Lizzy got up from his chair nervously, “Wait, Red. A-Are you sure you want to this?”  
Red didn’t look at him but stared at me with me with both eyes. With his finger on the trigger I saw him slowly pull it.
“Red, don’t!” Lizzy pushed his hand away right as Red pulled the trigger.
Soon, Blood and pain brung me to the floor. I screamed holding onto my shoulder light headed. Missing his target he hit my shoulder.
Red pointed the gun at Lizzy, “Don’t you dare”.
The gun was shot, and Lizzy fell to the floor dead. Jazz started picked up her phone crying for help, as Red pointed his gun at her. In the midst of pain I had to stop him from killing her. Dragging out my knife, I hastely rushed to him before he could make a move and stabbed him. Blood stained my hands as I dug into his upper chest.
After Red fell to the floor, I saw him quiver on the floor. Fear over came my body. Police would come soon, and death I knew would soon follow me from the wound. If I were to die somewhere, I wasn’t going to die here. With pain over coming my body I couldn’t even possibly get far from the house.
Holding onto my side, with all my strength I walked as far as I could go. I became light headed and dizzy from lose of blood. When I could no longer go further I let myself fall against one of the walls of one of the buildings. With my body totally unusable I positioned myself to where I could look across the town as I died. It was grey outside just like it was going to rain. Maybe it was only in my eyes that I saw the sadness from the skies, but no one was walking outside.
I wonder…was this supposed to happen? Was this sad excuse of a living being? I laughed to myself as I lay there feeling the life taken out of me.
“My dearest sister…..where have do I go now?” I said to myself, “I wish you were here right now…why did you have to die? Why did you have to leave me here….?”
My body started to shake as everything started to go black.
“My dearest sister….”

With beautiful wings I saw, I must have been close to death. I must have been dreaming right before Death would take me to hell for I felt the presence of an angel. She knelt beside me with her beautiful hair flowing down her white dress.
“Why did you let me live?”  I said under my breathe.
“It’s not your time to die, sweet brother. Your life is not over.” She said to me softly.
“Why can’t you take me with you?”
“Because you don’t belong there with me yet. You need to live for the people around you.”
“I don’t want to live…”
The hug of an angel was nothing I had ever felt before in my life. My sister wrapped her arms over my shoulders and said to me, “You will live.”

I could barely open up my heavy eyes to the sound of shoes running towards me.  Blood painted the streets around me along with my body which then I wondered the question why I haven’t died.
“Dei!” I heard Jade’s voice as she fell to her knees before me, “Dei…”
I shifted my eyes to her, but could barely see her through sweat and blood that ringed around my eyes and off my hair.
“I’m sorry….you must have really thought you could give me a chance….I’m sorry to waste your effort.” I said slowly to her.
“No..Dei…come on…I can get you some help. You can make it.” She said to me.
“I wonder how horrible it is in Hell…” I laughed to myself.
Sadly she moved closer to me and drew me closer to her by wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Crying she told me soflty, “When you die later in life, you will not go to hell.”
“You can’t expect me to go to Heaven…” I was soon starting to loose conscience.
“Promise me you’ll live in your own Utopia.” She said to me as my vision went dark.

~
….

The black ceiling was the next thing I saw when I woke up. I lay on my bed motionless staring back at my dreams.
I promised her to go to the Utopia didn’t I?
….I promised her the Utopia….